Do I exist in video games? - 20 years of Video games and black hair

Braids. That's what I have, that's what I want.

I've discovered that ever since black people were given the privilege of being allowed to authentically exist within fictional media - a privilege that is only now being extended to the ever mythical deaf person - the only hairstyles that developers could fathom black people having were chiskops, afros and cornrows.

Devoid of a means of creative outlet in the medium of my choosing (as video games are a fundamental part of who I am), I resigned myself to creating what I thought was a "cool character". Typically, white, with smooth hair. It took years to discover what this minor form of self-erasure began to do to me over time.

Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas Definitive Edition

This, in combination with the books I read, shifted my inner voice. All of a sudden, if a character was not outright described as black then in my head, they immediately became white. That became the default and by extension my own skin colour became the exception. It became a battle of constantly reminding myself that I existed.

In 2018, Black Panther released to widespread critical and commercial acclaim. Of all the impact that it had, something minor slipped through the cracks. Killmonger had almost single-handedly introduced a new hairstyle into popular media. One that I'd be lying if I didn't say I'd wanted to have my entire life. Unfortunately, I'm afraid of commitment.

Thankfully, in 2024, things have changed. I only have to glance at newly released games to see a multitude of black characters with different identities, origins and personalities. Erik Killmonger | Black Panther

We exist. But I still ask myself, do I?

Prior to 2018, if you wanted a character with any variety in their hair choice, the only places you could look were the NBA 2k series and more recently, Need for speed Unbound.

The only problem with this is that you would essentially need to play a black centric game, to have black centric hair. As proud as I am of who I am (I am the main character after all), I have never held any love for cars or basketball. Having the only avenue to acknowledge a portion of my identity be through this lens is only a recipe for me to be ashamed of my masculinity as well as my blackness because "come on Thato, you're a guy, you should like sports". But that's an argument for another day.

Notwithstanding the fact that Killmonger himself wore his dreads in four different styles, this hairstyle has become the black male equivalent of the side shave cut only reserved for the strong female lead. Absolutely, no one is safe. Even Eddie Gordo, who's hair has stayed the same through more than seven iterations of Tekken has suffered. Hell, one of my favourite superheroes, Spider-Man, isn't immune to this either.

My mans never been safe. But at least this time they took him to a good barber instead of whatever nightmare lineup he had on the

far left.

And after all this "progress", I still can't get braids in the games that I actually play. So I guess the answer is:

No. I still don't exist.